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[25 Oct 2007|07:55pm] we move into the new house this weekend and i am sooooo excited!!!! with the baby coming i am going to be stayin home much more now saving money. so since i'm going to be home much moer now i thought i might be a wise to pick p a hobby.here are some of the things i'm gong to be doing instead of going out and drinkin. 1.build skate ramps to skate 2.build model cars with tyler(lindsays 4yr old) 3.biulding a computer from a bare bones kit thats all i have for now.keep in mind this is stuff i will be doing when i'mnot hangin out with the family.i plan on spending moer time with them than on some of the hobbies. talked to me<3

6 months and counting [23 Oct 2007|11:51pm] the days are passin fast and i'm happy bout that.can't wait to meet my son or daughter.all this is really puting life in perspective for me.like what was i doing with my life up until i met lindsay?nothing thats what.i was chasing no where dreams from false heads.i was stuck in a life of daydreams and drinks.i believed words from a voice that that promised alot but gave it to any and everyone else.i was a stupid man when i listened to the promises.if i would have stayed deaf to the rest of the world i would never have met lins.now everything seems to be in order with my life.i have a family that loves me and one on the way.not matter what else i do in life my chld will be my greatest achievement.for some this is a good job or a good grades in school.for me it's being the best dad i can be and raise a child that hopefully one day will change the world,or at least his/her part of it.my life is better now that i'm past the fake and false i cant wait for the true and great.little baby hurry and come into the world daddys waiting to hold you and love you.. 4|talked to me<3

long over due update [11 Jul 2007|07:39pm] it's been a long time since i've been on here,alots happend to me n that time.i met a wonderful girl that i absolutely fell for!! we met and we just clicked.like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle we just fit together perfectly.my time is spent at work durinfg the week day and with her on the weekends.at first i thought her having a kid would be a bad thing but as the months have gone by it's really not that bad.me and the boy get along great,he calls me his pal.every other saturday afternoon i watch him for her while she at work.we go to the park or just hang out andn watch cartoon.i'm even trying to teach the little kid how to skate.i'm by no means trying to be his dad,he has one,i'm jsut trying to be a friend to him.as for me and my girl we are already thinking about geting a place together when her lease is up in the next four months.this gives us a bit more time to se how things go with us without rushing it to much.well thats about all thats been up with me lately.how have you been? talked to me<3

[25 Apr 2007|02:07pm] time has come to move on,and say good bye.the year has been great and i'm sure the friendship will still be there.but as for anything else i'm starting to see that you don't want it anymore.so farewell beautiful you're going to go on to do great things and as your friend i'll be there to see them..love you.. talked to me<3

personal growth [24 Apr 2007|01:06pm] over the last six or so months since i've been writing on here i have undergone some personal growth.but is it good?could this growth take me away from those i love?if it does could this be a good thing?will this be fair to those closest to me whom i love and care about? i just recently ran into an old friend from about six years ago.she and i had one of those benefits friendships.we never let the sex come between the friendship it was fun.well in the six years since we've seen eaxh she has since been married and divorced.after her divorce she than had a boyfriend.that boyfriend recently broke up with her.also within this time she also had some physical chages i.e. she's gained weight.she mentioned it when we talked and all i could say was "well it's been six years things change" to which she said "yeah but you haven't".i might not have changed in the physical sense but i have changed alot in other ways.32yr old manny is much different from 26 yr old manny i think.personal growth has happend in those years.and it will continue to happen in the years to come.. 2|talked to me<3

[23 Apr 2007|02:30pm] hey lj long time no see.not much has been going on.still just as confused as i was the last time i was here.i think i might start writing in more but i will try not to be as emo as i was before.it's time to be postive and look to the future.. talked to me<3

[29 Jan 2007|07:04pm] i need a weekend to get my head straight.i wanted to drink to forget but i ended up thinking about it nonstop.which ended up being a good thing.now i know how i have to be and what i have to do.not only with you but with other things in my life.like with my sister.she was so angry with me for the past year because of me wrecking the car.now she's calling me again and we have plans to start hangin out more.hopefully i can regain her trust.hopefully i can do the same with you.things need to get back to the way they were when we first met.i want to get us back to that..i can do it i think talked to me<3

[26 Jan 2007|12:10pm] the best way to forget about your troubles is to drown them in beer.thas my plan for this weekend at least.i don't want to remember anything. 1|talked to me<3

[25 Jan 2007|07:50pm] everyone has thier faults thier insecurities.i have plenty of both.my fualts are my insecutities i guess.i'm insecure with the way i look.i am not a handsome man not at all.i'm bottom of the barrel ugly you would say.i have a fear of loss.i never want to lose anyone, i hate the feeling of not having someone there with me.i don't deal well with it it frightens me.i'm a shame a nothing.i hide behind a mask of piercing and one liners so you can't see the real me.give me a bottle of booze and i'll dance for you to make you laugh,all the while the mask is protecting me.i wish i could get rid of these insecurities but its hard.i know how act when faced with them but i can't stop myself from doing it.i just watch myslef act the fool and it hurts.maybe i need theapy to help me over come some of these feelings.i good head doctor to get in my head and fix me.i don't want to push people away with my faults.arrrhhhh.life is hard but you have to stick with it right.well that's what i'm going to do......... 1|talked to me<3

[25 Jan 2007|11:46am] What is the difference in being all alone over here by my self Or all alone over there with people who don’t care And could careless if I was there with them Watching Waiting Not being spoken too Waiting for the right moment to speak Sneak a peak of what its like on the inside I am all alone where ever I go Whether I am alone in a room full of people Or an empty field all by my self I feel the feeling of wanting Need and striving to be with you With someone Anyone at all But I can’t I am all ways alone In the cold On my own Whether it be in a crowed room Or in a field all of my own I am all alone What is the true difference between being alone on my own Or with people who don’t care It doesn’t matter anyways Why make a false invite and Try to be polite When you just turn me away I am alone whether it be in a room crowded with people Or alone in an empty field With no one around to hear me scream and bleed and cry What really is the difference between Being alone with a crowd of people who don’t care And being all alone over there. Alone on a bench to cry talked to me<3

[23 Jan 2007|09:04pm] to say that we hate each other when we are face to face is foolish i think(and it makes me so mad that K said that).each trip was diffent from the next.in the first one we both felt the same,so we talked more and there was less tension.with this one we were both feeling difernent things so that made it full of tension.had we had been on the same page i think it would have been better.we did have fun no doubt but since we werent feeling the same things this caused weirdness.well thats what i think at least.i can understand how you may think its timing but i think it's more about the feelings.i could be wrong and i think you think i am. talked to me<3

[10 Jan 2007|09:39pm] i'm done caring it gets you nowhere.i should just be happy and leave it at that..good night talked to me<3

[09 Jan 2007|10:38am] finale thought on the situation.... you've brought up my misuse of your trust with the J situation.and i feel bad for ever doing it,i've told you that.i won't ever do it again.this new situation is alot like that one,in more ways than one i think.i know i'm asking for your trust again like i did then.it's also like in that with the J thing i asked you if anything ever happend and you said no,come to find out something did.i'm asking you if anything happend with you and "I" and you say no.now i trust and i hope your telling me the truth.but if you did do anything i just want you to know that just like then i won't stop loving you.i care for you a grreat deal and that is not going to stop. you have your needs and i understand that.i can never stop loving you as much as i do and if by chance you had a weak momment it's ok.it happends.i probably wrong about this whole thing and just scaring myself.but ihad to let it out so i won't keep it bottled up inside and have it eat at me.i hop eone day we can talk about it and you can put my mind at ease..i'm done now.. talked to me<3

[09 Jan 2007|12:13am] ok i think you want his attention.you said it got weird at the end of the night.well this could have been avoided if when you went over there you just moved that stuff on the sofa.really how hard would it have been to ask him "hey can we move this so we can have more room on the sofa?" but instead you chose to sit close to him almost on his lap.any guy would want to get closer as the night went on.i mean it's ok if you want the attention i'll understand.just don't make it seem like you had no other options sweety.any guy would take that as an in to make a move.just tell me the truth and i'll understand.these past few weeks you havent expressed any affection for me at all.just talkin about him how he hurts and how he has issues.you've forgotten about me!where am i in your life?even my trip has something concerning him in it.just talk to me and tell me whats going on.random thoughts on the days events thats all these are.sweet dreams talked to me<3

[08 Jan 2007|02:58pm] it's geting closer.one more week til i see you. it's going to be fun.i hope one day you see me as great as i see you. talked to me<3

[06 Jan 2007|05:44pm] i still have another week and a half till i leave for my trip.and i already have everything ready!i know what clothes i want to take.i got everything set to go.i can't be one of those wait till the last minute to pack people. this trip is was to important to not prepare for.i'm so nervous right now.i get butterflies thinking about it.how beautiful she's going to look when i first see her in the airport.how amazing it's going to be to look her in the eyes and say "i love you".how great it's going to be to hold her at night as we fall asleep!meeting her parents will be crazy.i hope i don't studder to much or say the wrong thing.this is going to be a wonderful trip and i hope we become more than what we are now after it.for now we are involved i hope one day to be together with her.only time can tell.i hope she still wants me the ay i want her.. talked to me<3

[05 Jan 2007|05:54pm] 12 more days till o get to see you 12 more days till i get look into your eyes 12 more days till i get to hold your hand 12 more days till i get to kiss your lips 12 more days till i get to cuddle up next to and watch tv 12 more days till i get to just do nothing with you and love it 12 more days till i get to tell you i love you and see you when i do 12 more days i can't wait!!!! talked to me<3

[04 Jan 2007|09:12am] its been said that actions speak louder than words sometimes.this is said about love and what one person does for the other.you have asked if i really love you and you've judged this by my actions or lack there of.the same can be said for your actions.it's not a matter of control it's a matter of respect.respecting the other preson enough to do the right thing.i've been guilty of not doing enough to show you how i feel.i have to work on that.what do you have to work on? talked to me<3

[02 Jan 2007|10:52pm] i tend to hold on to things that hurt me,i don;t know why.it takes me awhile ti get past them.i try to understand why it happend and if it was my fault.i feel like it usualy is like i did something to cause it.and i part i did.i'm not there enough or at all.so i can;t give you the atention you need.its my fault.you wouldnt be seeking the atention from others if i steped up a bit more.i don't blame you and i'm not mad at you.i'm mad at myself. talked to me<3

[02 Jan 2007|09:57pm] i cant bring this up with you because you would think that i was being manipulative by saying it.i would feel the way you felt when you came to see me and we didnt hang out with my friends,like i was hiding you from them.when in fact i wasnt,i just didnt want to go to the same old places with you i wanted to take you to different spots.but as we know i didnt have the money and the means to do everything i wanted to do with you.i made a promise to not start shit when i was there and i wont.if he's your friend and if he gets touchy feely with you i have to deal with that.if we dont hang out with him i would feel like your either hiding him from me or me from him.thats how it would feel,not being manpulative in saying it.i just want to see you and have fun.i dont care about anything else.he's part of your life up there so yes i would love to meet him and hang out.again this is just me leting things out so that i don't hold them in.just for me. talked to me<3

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